we came home from dinner tonight and who should make a surprise visit but the subject of my last post.
God, so many conflicting thoughts and emotions are running through my head right now.
I thought about telling her how I felt, but I guess it just didn't seem right. Why burden someone else with things that won't make a difference.
When I thought about the fact that I wanted to tell her for *my* self, and not because it would benefit her in any way, it made me realize that keeping it to myself is for the best.
But it's so hard when she's close enough to touch.
I've been pretty good last night not to be pushy or demanding, just trying to be casual once the inital shock had warn off.
I even slept in the other room with my mom so that she and sean could share a bed (I have no expectation that anything other than sleep occurred) and snuggle.
Why does these strange things keep occurring in my life?
There is not one dirty word in it, and it is funny.
The Hogan's were unable to conceive children and decided to use a
Surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was
To arrive, Mr.
Hogan kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man
Should be here soon."
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer
Happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning,
Ma'am", he said, "I've come to..."
"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Hogan cut in, embarrassed, "I've been
"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you
Know babies are my specialty?"
"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a
After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the
Couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room
Floor is fun.
You can really spread out there."
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Wayne and
"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we
Try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles,
I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
"My, that's a lot!", gasped Mrs. Hogan.
"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In
And out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."
"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Hogan quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his
Baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.
"Oh, my Go d!" Mrs. Hogan exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their
Mother was so difficult to work with."
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Hogan.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the
Job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a
"Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Hogan, her eyes wide with amazement.
"Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too.
The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly
Concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots.
Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had
To pack it all in."
Mrs. Hogan leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your,
"It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod
And we can get to work right away."
"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much
Too big to be held in the hand very long."
>Mrs. Hogan fainted!!
So far today I've :
Started a grocery list
Taken a bath
Read part of a book
Watched part of who's line is it anyway episode
gotten the mail
now i'm really bored.
- Music:don't let the sun go down on me- george michael and elton john
Got some great news in the mail today.
For fall, I'm getting a grant for 1,050.00
For next spring, I'm getting another grant for 1,050.00
Awesome. Even if I don't get any other scholarships for fall/spring 08, the rest can be managed with student loans.
I really needed the good news today.
What more can I do, there's nothing I haven't tried
Still it's so hard for her to notice
I've tried hard to be straight
There's nothing left I can say
If only she would look my way
She don't know me, she don't know
She don't see me, she don't care
She can't hear me, can't hear
Can not help me, she don't want
She don't want me like I want her
Like I wan't her got to tell her
Got to tell her that I love her
That I love her
She doesn't even know my name
I dream of when she'll be mine
I dream of crossing that line
And holding her so tender
Dreaming it could come true
So many things I would do
If only you'd give me a chance
It's really hard to be starting a new journal. I had the last one for 6 years.
I won't delete it, because there is so much on there that I want to keep and access later.
Plus, I'm not moving everyone over to this journal, so it's a way to still keep up with ppl.
so it will take me a while to get used to this journal, but I'm not going anywhere.
If i can figure out how to save everything off my old journal I may delete it, but at the moment I've decided to just step back from it.
I am starting this journal up once again. Friends only. Which means only about 3 or 4 ppl from my old journal will be here.
This is the first entry into my new journal. My normal journal is allura, and if you found me here, I recommend that you journey to that journal instead. This journal will be friends only, and if you want to be considered for entry here, then please send me an email.